Tonight on FB I shared an image from a radio station of a girl in a very revealing dress going to prom. (Note- this actually hasn’t been confirmed as to if she is indeed a teen and going to prom in said revealing gown which I will post somewhere in this blog post.) During discussion amongst FB friends, two commenters expressed commentary on “that’s how you get raped” implying wearing revealing attire is asking for being raped. I for one take the matter of rape, discussion of rape, potential rape, victim shaming and blaming very seriously.
See, I have experienced sexual abuse and even in a relationship or marriage there is no excuse for being raped. Whatever any female decides to wear or “not wear” doesn’t grant any other human, male or female permission to violate her sexually or to be more truthful in my opinion… doesn’t give permission for men to be violated either- yes it happens. This is like saying, “well she shouldn’t have been passed out drunk and wearing a mini skirt…she was flirting with him all night, what did she expect wearing that and flirting?” Oh we’ve heard it all before, lets be real. What did she expect? She expected to be free in expressing herself, dressing herself or lack of dressing herself and still being respected as another human being and being safe in her world just as she is. She expected to be young, stupid and free. She expected to be able to seek attention and hear she is beautiful because perhaps there is a void that hasn’t been sown into, she expected to be sown into spiritually and mentally not physically with unwanted, unwarranted and uninvited intercourse violating her mind, spirit and body leaving wounds that perhaps will be more than on the façade of her physical being, deeper than the surface of her smile now broken inside, scars that her spirit will never fully be able to hide.
When Rape is Acceptable.
It’s not! In no situation is rape acceptable. It doesn’t matter if a female is in sweats, a moo moo, a dashiki, a sundress showing every banging-boom-bop-bow of her booty and breasts leaving nothing for your imaginations interests, there is no open invitation, no auto pilot, no pass go and drop your pants and in you go! Sir hell no! Women are raped in various attire and it doesn’t matter if her clothes are skin tight, baggy or whatever. We have to break that idea that “she asked for it!” No, she did NOT ask for it! Usually when young women show more skin, they are missing something more than confidence, its deep rooted and a dry, dark space that becomes hollow, shallow and cold but feels nonexistent when the attention sets in. Seeking attention isn’t a request for rape. Seeking love, having daddy issues, having low self esteem behind a beautiful face, being the unattractive girl who gets caught up with thinking a guy sincerely likes her, being handicapped and not understanding what is actually happening… none are a request for rape.
When Rape is Acceptable.
When we tell women, young girls and even boys that if a girl dresses like a THOT or a ho, a skank, a lush, a trick, a tramp, whatever it’s asking for rape, telling boys that it’s okay to take a part of a woman’s body and sowing a poisonous seed of bitterness and abuse that grows a lifetime of pain is not acceptable. We cannot tell our daughters they dare to have phases when they see reality TV where sexual context is implied on every popular network, we cannot tell them they deserve whatever comes to them if they borrow their besties clothes that are more revealing. Even small girls clothes now are smaller, shorter, tighter, lower cut, crop tops for toddlers and all.. would we say that a 3y/o asked for it because she was in a 2pc bathing suit? I think not and oh, let me guess… that’s different, it’s her parents fault for buying it? No! It’s the rapists fault! Why do we blame the victims and steer from the fact that a rapist is a predator that violated another human being??
We cannot give our sons the idea that if girls dress that way they are who to rape and it is okay, that is also telling him his actions have no consequence and a woman is beneath him to be used, abused and mistreated at his discretion. We need to consider a reflection as society what rape really is, its not “just sex, she probably is a ho anyway or she wasn’t a virgin so it doesn’t matter…” It DOES matter and no means no!
I am so thankful that I have married a man that even knowing our bodies are each others to share for our pleasure and spiritual connection, no still means no and he has always been respectful of that. I am thankful that is a lesson being taught to our children that no means no, do not take advantage of any situation and engage in sexual acts that are abusive and never allow anyone to do anything to you as a girl that makes you feel remotely uncomfortable, as there are consequences. I am thankful that through past sexual abuse, I survived and today I know “When Rape is Acceptable”… in no circumstances is rape acceptable, no dress or dressing less is relevant.
The image from the discussion-